Big Brother Craze

The Reality TV Awards show was every bit the train wreck it promised to be, as it tried very hard to be a REALLY REAL BIG AWARDS SHOW, with scripted jokes, and musical interludes, and mismatched pairs presenting. It was also loud, unorganized, filled with amusing award categories, and filled with Reality TV z-listed stars.

In other words - it was awesome.

Here’s a list of who presented what and who won for the entire 2 hour extravaganza, plus my comments, of course!

First up! Evel Dick from Big Brother 8 & Bridget Marquardt from The Girls Next Door present the award for Favorite Showmance. It was a tie between Eric and Jessica, and Dr. Will Kirby and Mike Boogie. For Dr. 90210. For the episode where Dr. Will removed a wart from Mike’s lil boogie. How that equates to a showmance, I’ll never know…

I was eternally amused that Evel Dick had to present that award, giving it to team Jeric, who he didn’t think had a relationship at all, over his own daughter and Nick. Nick made some snide comment about theirs not being a showmance so it was ok for them not to win. Course, Jessica and Eric fans know they aren’t showmancing either, so whatever. Jessica’s delight over the giant martini glass was too cute for words!

Just how much DOES Janice Dikckenson imbibe? She looked three sheets to the wind as she and Sanjaya presented the Favorite Fight award. The Charm School girls beat out Evel Dick and Jen for this one.

Like there was ANY doubt who would win the award presented by Scott Baio and Jason Hervey - Amber beat out Jen, and even that 12 year old crier who adores Sanjaya and walked away with the Favorite Tears award. Amazingly, she didn’t cry while giving her short acceptance speech.

Chill Town’s Mike and Dr. Will gave out the Favorite Winner award, and not to Evel Dick, but to Rock from Hell’s Kitchen.

Favorite Non-Competition Program went to Scott Baio is 45 and Single. The teenagers watching with me were all “who the heck is Scott Baio??” and I died a little inside. Poor youth of today - they don’t know that Charles was once in Charge! SIGH. Course, I’ve never seen the show. Charles isn’t in charge of my TV watching anymore.

Favorite Altered State went to Frank from the Real World Reunited. The Real World is still on? Remember when that was THE show to watch? What is it, season 33910293743 now? What can they possibly do next to make it fresh? The Real World: On the Moon? Anyway, moving on…

Another unsurprising victory for the Big Brother gang - Mary Murphy and Benji Schwimmer presented Evel Dick with the Favorite Villain award, where he mentioned for the 8000th time that it clearly pays to be an asshole. He did give props to the rest of the houseguests though - for giving him so much material to work with. Haha!

Jen got beat out for Favorite Hottie by Bridget from The Girls Next Door. That had to smart! I’ll bet it’s because her picture was so horrible! And she lost best tears too! Awwww…. of course, I think Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser should have won it, hands down!

Another surprise was that Evel Dick did NOT get Favorite Potty Mouth! I thought sure this one had his name written all over it. Instead, Adrianne Curry from My Fair Brady got it. Yet another show I’ve not seen. Maybe I don’t have the obsession for childhood stars like other folks? Or simply not enough MTV or VH1 in my life? I don’t know. Whoever she is for whatever show, she rocked the cursing in her acceptance speech too.

Jen joined Ant to present the Baddest Bitch award, and kudos to the writers for getting Jen to go against her non-cussing ways and repeatedly say “Bitch” as they gave the award to Pumkin from Charm School. (…Pumkin? Really? Is that her real name, or a chosen one? She likes to be called Pumkin? Oy.)

Our own favorite Loser, Marcellas Reynolds joined Heather from the Rock of Love, to give out the Favorite Loser award to - of course - Sanjaya. It totally should have gone to Yau Man for Survivor. He got robbed! Again!

Mary Murphy won Favorite Judge/Host for So you think you can Dance, before Eric and Brigitte gave out the Favorite Reality Show award. To American Idol. Come on, seriously? Screeching singers beat out Survivor AND Big Brother? Oh America. How I ponder your level of taste… in other news, Eric looked positively terrified up on stage with Brigitte Nielson, and who could blame him - she’s one scary looking female! And she was bantering about award-mance? RUN ERIC RUN!

Perez Hilton joined Daniele Donato on stage to present the Favorite Moment of Prayer to Jameka, who won over Amber, and the chick from Charm School praying in advance for forgiveness for a beat down about to happen. Well deserved, of course!

So You Think You Can Dance won Favorite Competition Program, beating out Big Brother and Survivor again. Harumph.

Then came the incident we’ve all heard about and seen via youtube since they filmed the award show last week. Jonny Fairplay, last year’s winner of Reality Performer of the Year, was to present the final award, and instead got into a scuffle with Bonaduce. Now, while Jonny can be an asshole, he’s never been anything other then polite and nice to me when we’ve talked, and I get him and his attitude. Danny Bonaduce is just a bitter asshole has been child star that no one cares about anymore.

After Jonny left the stage, Alexis Arquette stood in and presented the award to Evel Dick, the unsurprising winner of Reality Performer of the Year.

And there you have it! The D-list version of an awards show was everything I hoped it would be; a glorious train wreck! What did you think of it? Or of the infamous Jonny Bashing? Pop into the comments below and give us your opinion!

Big Brother, BB8, BBUSA, BB USA, houseguests, CBS, hamsters